2/29 The MD appointment, taxes

The challenge of this time is big. We went to see the surgeon that Dr H recommended. Yes, Luke has a hernia. He's not the only guy in the world who has this issue, but he's my guy. And that's what attachment does to you. I know that I'm filling our space with negative vibs. They are also going to do a colonoscopy. This scares me. Why lie. I know that Luke has had some trouble with his stomach. And the mind tends to lead you down the garden path. If you let it. Anyway the colon MD is across the hall from the hernia guy, and we'll see him next tuesday.

They'll do both surgeries on the same day. The day to be determined.

I do feel a trust for Dr A (hernia guy). He's a D.O. like Dr H. He does a process that will not require much medication and Luke can come home the same day. He told us a story that I loved to hear. Two friends had to have the same hernia surgery. The patient that Dr A did was on his feet right away. He went to visit his friend in the hospital. He had to show his scar so that his friend would believe he had surgery.

So I can decide. Do I want to whine and feel sick until the surgery is over. OR do I want to work on my inner healer? Do I want to imagine that my inner Goddess of Healing can heal Luke and me and all those who we love and all those who enter our circle and need prayer. Do I want to act like I believe that prayer heals. I say I believe this. Do I?

Actually, I do feel something going on within? Something that I haven't experienced before. I'm turning more of my attention to this place. Teach me easy lessons Lord. But let me learn.

Then we did our taxes. And then we watched our fav shows on t.v.

3/25/10 Flu, B town, Healing Energy

Yesterday, Luke had a headache and flu symptoms. This morning I had it. We were supposed to go to B-town. I call Rain to see if she wants me to come with possible germs. She says come. Xavier is looking forward to the grandparent visit. I was worried. Luke said he felt better, but I was just starting with the symptoms and in the past the trip to B town pushes me over.

Okay, girl. Look for the healing Goddess within. Do your best. The great beings can heal. If we are all the self, then I can heal as well. But can I? Do I have that kind of faith in myself. I'm working on it.

In the car, Luke and I talk about the pyramid power books that we have been reading. We would like to try the technology. We're thinking that someone might be able to construct a little pyramid for us to try. I get this idea. I made a pyramid shape with fingers and hold it over my sore hand. After awhile the hand does feel better and it keeps on feeling better during the day. (not perfect, but better)

Luke usually drives to B town and I drive home. Today he was so tired, he almost let me drive.

I prayed. If I can find healing energy, then Luke has it too. This is strong vibratory energy.

We picked up Xavier. Luke goes into the school as always. It's raining hard. The drive was hard, now Luke got wet. At X's house, Luke takes a nap and I play games with X.

We had decided to skip family dinner and go home early. I believe that driving a long way for a short great visit is worthwhile. I made dinner for the family. Luke and I were going to leave when Rain and Ry came home. But . . . (the best laid plans) Violet was crying. Rain thought she might be getting sick. I showed her the little bag of M&M's that I had for her. She stopped crying and came over for her candy. I put her on my lap and thought peace and healing. She leaned against me and ate her candy. Then she wanted me to read to her.

BUTLER WON. (for all you basketball fans, this is a milestone for courage and determination)

3/24/10 Celebration Dinner with Em and Bobby

On the way to the chiropractor's appointment, I talked to Judy B. She's had a hard few weeks.

I'm going to add her and her family to my prayer list. Then she told me something that truly shocked me. I knew in my heart, but not in my head.

Bapuji is the Indian Saint has been my light and my guide for so many years. I knew that he had a serious illness. I knew last summer that I should have said goodbye, but I kept telling myself that he'd get well. That he'd use the magic of yoga which he could do, and bring his health back.

A great saint often takes on the karma of his spiritual children. So . . . . Judy told me that Bapuji has been very, very ill. It's probably not possible for him to come back to America next summer. In some ways, I hope that he takes care of himself instead.

As Judy shared, I cried. I felt shocked, and sad. Never to see Prem again, how could that be? I thought I might cry in Dr K's office. How to explain tears , when I don't want to share. Luckily, Pat ( an office friend) was there. We always talk. She noticed that I've managed to lose some weight. We talked about giving up sweets and diet secrets. Pat says she doesn't have to diet. I know that isn't true because Dr K told me that she was upset because she wanted to lose more weight. I didn't care. everyone has the right to their own beauty secrets. I have mine. It's interesting how the mind works. It's like meditation. If you focus on the inner space, the mantra , a hatha pose, pranayama , any of the many aspects of meditation or spiritual practice, you won't be pulled along in the tides of maya--daily life. Even if you suffer deep sadness it will take you completely. You'll still be able to ground yourself in the eternal.

After my adjustment, I had chores to do. I tried to focus on the peace within, and my knowledge that Bupuji will always be with me. This time is more difficult because of my concerns for Luke.

Em called to say that she was welcomed with open arms into a dream job. She has worked so hard for this day. She so deserved this moment. She invited us to share dinner with her and Bobby to celebrate. So we went and celebrated.

I thought about something Baba Muktananda used to say, the outer life is a play of light and shadow."

My plan is pray, pray, pray and put my focus on the inner healer.

I had to do some

3/22/10 Meditation Class, Conversation Ride

I teach a meditation class at Mindful Movement Studios. It's one of the most blessed and most favorite things that I do. I teach the class for myself as much as for other people. I love to swim in the peace and the Shakti.

The theme for the class was the vibration of sound--as it comes to us from our world and from the sacred mantras. The students are amazing in this class. Each one brings a peace and a deep connection to their spiritual center. Luke and M.Kate have met Bapuji. In the beginning of class, we each (silently) call God to come and be with us and with each other.

I am personally working on a project. All the great beings tell us that God lives within us, that perfect peace and perfect healing lives within. So I'm working on finding that place within my own being. My goal this year is to exude the peace of the great beings--for my self, for my loved ones and for all those that I come into contact with. I want to become a secret healer.

After class, I felt so at peace with myself and with the world. Luke felt good as well. I talked to Cheryl after class. She told me that she's tried to meditate before but isn't disciplined enough. She also asked me questions about mantra. I think that Cheryl is a deep and pure spirit. I told her that I receive my mantra from the great Indian Saint--Muktananda. He said that to receive a mantra from a realized master is to receive the greatest treasure this world has to offer. The mantra so recieved is alive like a lighted candle and can light your own way and the way of many others. I told her that I pray that my teachers--Baba Muktananda and the great yogic saint, Prem Avadhta, along with all the holy mothers --will be in every class giving people the living mantra. She did understand. Baba used to say that a short meditation every day is best. Cheryl committed to one minute every day ; it's a perfect start.

Cheryl is the mom of a crystal child--Willow. It's a big responsibility.

Luke and I went home for lunch. We had mushroom soup and a sandwich for dinner. Luke and I take a conversation ride every two weeks. We talk about hard subjects. When the ride is over we put the conversations aside and just enjoy our lives. We had a huge breakthrough in our relationship. I'm not ready to discuss it yet. It was a great day and we celebrated with Starbucks.

3/19/10 Commitment.

Starting today, I'm committing to a year of blogging about my meditation journey. I've decided to take my yoga and meditation practice to a new level--to do what I always suggest to my students and what my teachers always underlined for me. Take the practices into my daily life.

Luke had an MD's appointment. Usually we go to our alternative doc--our very alternative doc. Luke hasn't been feeling well. We've tried what Dr L (alternative doc) suggested; Luke still doesn't feel well. He made an appointment with our Osteopath/Western Med authority--Dr H. He was the doc who helped Luke last year when he had a health challenge that noone else could help with.

He's sending Luke for some tests. it freaked me out. I'm very attached to family and loved ones. Any medical test freaks me out, and challenges me to settle into a deeper place. Also, Dr H wants me to get some tests taken. I really have to think about it.

I used my mantra to quiet my mind, and did some thinking about the message of the great teachers (of all traditions). We all have an inner healer. If we could enter our divine inner space, we would all live in perfect health.

Lately I've been asking God to shine through me and to bring more health and joy to all who cross my path. Hummm.

Today is our granddaughter's birthday. Violet is three. We were with her yesterday, and will share a family party next week. She's three, and a charmer. I'm looking forward to sharing her birthday next week.