4/7/10 I am angry, although I don't want to be angry

I was very, very tired this morning. Even though I slept a normal amount of time. My eyes were hot and heavy and I could feel a little sore throat coming on. I feel distracted.

My inner state is quieter than last week. Still not as I'd wish it to be. I know that the Goddess is within me. But where? Sometimes She comes briefly, but, I want to be merged with Her. To have her always there.

I've added a prayer to my journey. We'll see.

On the way to Dr K (chiropractor and idealist), I talk to Judy B. She and I talk about guys ( our husbands). I'm angry with Luke. I hoped that he'd step back from his work at Butler and etc.

and spend time doing for himself, for us, and for the future of both. Today he's busy all day doing the Butler thing. I feel angry.

Later Luke calls to say that he's doing even more extra work and I start to cry. When he calls me later, I fight with him. I promised myself that I wouldn't fight with him. I know he needs energy for the surgery and MD stuff ahead. I don't want to lose control. Anger gets the best of me.

When Luke comes home, we fight some more, and then go upstairs to do our work. We're not fighting. I'm calm again. I know we'll have to deal, but not now. So it's a victory for me--in my fight against the wild and ugly side of my mind.